Interviewer: Doreen Wang

Interviewee: Raffini

Length In Time: 0:57:56 0:00:00

0:03:09

DW: Yeah

R: Did it have any pictures?

0:03: 13

DW: NO...the woman, I think...was doing "Stop the Domestic Violence," or is it...I forget

R: Really... because I work on domestic violence things also.

0:03:22

DW: Did you work with "Stop the Domestic Violence Fundraiser?" Or was it...oh...oh that is probably you. Which one was Raffini Spellbound? I'm not sure...it was just one of many things that popped up.

R: Oh I'll have to check it out. But yea I do a domestic violence...1 have a play that I wrote about domestic violence, which is actually a story about me. But I don't. . . I don't say it, not out of embarrassment, but I just don't want people to be focused on me, I want them to be focused on the issue. But the story is about a, you know, how I survived it, and was able to, you know, come out with some dignity and raise two young men with good values, very very good values who I'm very proud of. And so...I...the play is called, "If You Should Find," because things get lost within domestic violence situations- usually it's the woman, her total self. And there's something called the Harlem Renaissance Garden Party, and it's a fundraiser. And we've been trying to use that money to produce the play, though it hasn't been very successful, because a lot of people don't turn out. And so we're learning now, how to get an audience in, which it's been difficult in the past. It has been difficult So we're actually getting ready to do a workshop on how to get an audience in, how to make things successful, how to have a successful fundraiser/program. And that play was written about five years ago, about situations that happened over my lifetime, with my first husband and then with my last fiance. Over the years, there may have been threats, you know verbal threats, but those two were physically abusive.

0:05:22

R: And I learned to fight back. Actually I learned to fight, a long time ago, with my fist. I'm not a good boxer, but I'm strong. And that.. .that just, that was a part of my growing up, I grew up at a time of the Civil Rights movements and as a young girl, where we lived on our street, maybe a little bit like this side street here, everyone knew each other. As a child, you.. .you didn't deal with adults, so you didn't really deal with racism or stuff like that. You didn't really know about it Maybe if you heard about it on television and it was just the beginning ofthe...ofthe movement. We actually lived on a street where. ..there was a woman who was like an.. .our adopted grandmother. And she was a bootlegger, she made her own whiskey and she sold it and she did numbers for the race track, because race tracks in Rhode Island at one time were a very big thing, the horse races and...so...she was...she was really cool. We called her "nanny." And...so but from what I saw, from the perspective of being at Nanny's house- [siren sound] I live on a busy street next to the hospital- being at Nanny's house, we would see delivery men come by and give her things from their truck and while they bought a half a pint of whiskey for their lunch and put... put in their numbers for, you know, whatever horse they thought was gonna win that day. And so I always thought that there was this kindness and that they, you know, gave things, out of the kindness of their hearts. And...it was never a thing, it was never an issue- like you're supposed to do this or that, you know, I just thought that that was just what people did! And.. .then my mom got sick and we had to go to a foster home. And

R: And the long.. .the long version of the name is about a queen who was a ruler before Nefertiti, she's from Ancient Ethiopia and the legend is that she. ..she, the peo-I'm sorry, I'm stuttering [laughter]. The legend is that her people were at war, and Queen Raffini didn't want for the people of her village to die.. .so she left in the middle of the night and told one of her head soldiers that she was leaving, and...so that they would be able to get away. And so it's... the long version of the name is she was sacrificed for the love of her people. And then, you know. . .it's been shortened to say she was sacrificed or just 'sacrifice.' But that's the story of Queen Raffini- she gave her life so that her people would live. And when.. .in doing art, the person who I was going to marry told me that my life was going to end up with a bunch of children around me, that I would be an old lady one day with a bunch of children around me and I said, "And there's something wrong with that?" The fact that I work with youth, I think kind of bothered him, because it took a lot of my time. But it's something that's absolutely necessary, so I think someone who feels that it's interfering is probably somewhat of a selfish person themselves. And so I felt like I...I deserved, not so much deserved the name, but that's how I was going to live my life, because he said, "You know, you're...you deserve the name, because you're sacrificing everything, you know, you're giving up the marriage, you're giving up everything in order to do this." And I said, "It's not giving up everything." But it was hard for him to understand. So it was almost like, "Yeah take the name, because that's what you deserve, because that's all your life is going to be- was sacrifice."

0:02:00

R: And to him, that was a slap in the face, but to me it was an honor. I don't...1 don't really feel like I'm doing anything extraordinary- just doing what I was... what I was put here for, I believe.

0:02:15

DW: And how long have you had this name?

R: I've had Raffini legally for about fifteen years now and I used it.. .you know, friends started calling me Raffini about five years before that.

0:02:33

DW: And I saw...I saw on a website- I googled your name and...and when...and in one website, it said "Raffini Spellbound?" But.. .it...1 didn't know if it referred to you or to another Raffini.

R: I have no idea. [laughter] Raffini Spellbound, OK! [laughter] There are a couple more Raffini's that I've heard of, one down in Aorida [laughter] and I think one...it was in a tropical place, I don't remember where. But.. .I've yet to met any of them to speak with them, but I'll have to look at that, look at the website. while we were in the foster home, they condemned the houses. It was

0:07:22

R: a total street of slum houses. One landlord, Mr. Schneider, owned all the houses and they were horrible.. . paint chipping. We had daisies that used to grow in the. ..in the window sills in the bathroom [laughter.] Daisies and mushrooms...the houses were just.. .the houses were in horrible condition. And so they.. .they condemned the houses. They made a deal with him, condemned the houses you know, bought them all off of him and put up an elderly high rise, and moved all of the families up to the projects. And so when I came out of the foster home, we lived in the Projects, we lived... we no longer lived on our street and our families were kind of scattered around the Projects, fourteen families, and so- we had the deal now with the people within the Projects who were mostly Caucasians, and I think a lot of them were Irish- so we had to deal with them, because now we were the niggers, and those were words we couldn't even use at home as young people. But now we were the niggers who were invading the Projects and turning it into a dirty place. But then outside of the Projects, we were the poor people who lived in the Projects, so you were ridiculed twice by the people who lived there already and didn't want you there and then the people who just didn't want that place to exist or the people at all to existed, that lived there. And my first day in school, someone called me a nigger and started a fight with me, and I...it was really hard to understand. And so when I saw my cousins- they were at a different school but after school I ran into them at the Projects, and you know, they saw that we were back home again, me and my sisters and brothers. And I had asked them, you know, "What's going on?" you know, "Why are people acting so crazy? What the hell's going on?' And you know, they told me about the movement. I had heard about it, but the person I had lived with in the foster home, was very religious and kept us from television and radio, and so I ouly heard a little stuff here in school, you know here and there. And so, we just you know.. .they said, "Well you better hang with us

0:09:2 2

R: if you want to protect yourself." So sometimes when I think about it, we might've been the first girl gang in Rhode Island. We didn't consider ourselves a gang, but It was protect yourself or get hurt. And so...that's how we, as I say-that's how we rolled. You know. ..there were about five to seven of us, sometimes my girlfriend, sometimes her sisters would hang with us, sometimes they wouldn't, but you know...at any time, there'd be five to seven of us and there would be times where we would just have to, you know, we used our fists to...to get what we needed. And I shouldn't say get what we needed but to...I mean, if we walked in a store, you know, we could be ridiculed, if we- at school it happened until, you know, we just came down, like we would come as a group and there were riots happening in school and everything, in the s-out in Providence, and so.... But anyway, that's not really part of the artist that I am now, but...that's part of- that was a part of my life that was a very important part cause it...it was something that was sprung out of me. I learned a lot from it and I learned how to deal in the streets from it And it...it did...it has helped me, it really has. It...it helps me to this day, because when I talk to young people, I am able to remember, some of the stuff that I did, and not judge them so much. And also, able to let them know, be honest with them of stuff that has happened in my life. So I...I think that it was something that was supposed to happen. It was cruel, it was harsh but sometimes, that's the way life is.

0:1:03

D: Can you tell me more about your childhood?

R: Mmm...hmm- which part?

0: ll:10

D: Mmm...where were you born? Where did you grow up? R: I was actually born here, in St. Joseph's Hospital on Broad Street [laughter]. When I was young, I think because of the way my family and my family values were, people used to think that we were from down South. A very close-knit, you know, family that cooked and you know, "Yes Ma'am" and "No Ma'am" you know kinda thing, a very very respectful family. So people always thought that we were from down South, they didn't think we were from here. And... but I remember my mom saying, I was born in January and I was born during the blizzard and my...my birth name means 'Eternal Sun, Eternal Warmth,' and my mom said that the nuns, cause it was a Catholic hospital and it was run by nuns and prieststhey were the doctors and nurses and the nurse brought her to me, to my mom, brought me to my mom and said, "You know, your daughter's wonderful," she said, "Me and the other nuns have been talking and we think you should name her Nancy." And my mom looked at me and she said, she took one look at me and she said, "No, no I don't think so. I don't know what she's going to be, but she's not going to be a Nancy [laughter]. This kid's got something else going on." And sO...so she named me Eternal Spring and...so I think about that I kept my first initials still. [mumble] I didn't change the name cause I hated it or anything, I just thought that you know, for.. .for the arts and theater and.. .and the strength of it, that I wanted Raffini. But anyway, so yea...1 turned out to be the different kid. I was total black sheep of the family, doing stuff that none of my brothers and sisters did, always staying around the house and creating fun and stuff at you know, and wanting to talk to talk to my mom all the time.

0:13:10

R: I learned to cook by being in the kitchen with her all the time. And I was always trying to snitch on my brothers and sisters, because there was ten of us [laughter], so I wanted to be the best like, "I'm the good kid," you know? 'So I'll tell you all the bad things all the other ones did and oh, I loved doing that And my mom used to-I used to say, "You wanna hear what Doll did?" She'd say, "No." "I won't tell you. She left the yard when you told her not to!" And.. .but to me, that was my way of being close to my mom. I was that kind of kid that, I wanted to be up under my mother you know, every minute that I could. I liked that safety, that comfort, you know. And it's something missing. My mom died when I was fifteen. Yea... but if I could, I mean, I actually until I moved out of the house, I slept in my- I would sneak downstairs after my mom fell asleep and get into her bed [laughter]! Cause I just wanted to be next to her, I loved her that much. And then at.. .at the same time, we were so much alike that sometimes we'd clash horribly, you know? But there was something there that she and I shared, that I know that my brothers and sisters didn't share with her. And... sometimes also, I-there were stories that she told me that I would, I'd tell my [mumble] and they'd say they'd never heard those stories. She never told them. I used to like to sit at her feet, put my head on her lap and.. .and listen to stories, if she had time on a Saturday and everyone else would be out playing or something. And so...I knew stories of her life. As a matter of fact, a...a kind of beautiful thing happened. I could call it quirky, but it was more beautiful. She was always telling me about, when I was a little girl, her friend that lived in the house with us, who lived upstairs, named Agnes Perry. And she always said "Agnes Perry," first and last name. And so she always talked about her, and how wonderful she was, she loved Aggy...da da da da...thatwas her best friend when she moved away

0:15:10

R: how.. . how horrible it was for her and.. .and so anyway, last year, two years ago, a friend of mine said, "Oh Raffini, I know you work with kids. And I've been working out of a camp and I don't want to do the camp anymore and I was wondering if you'd like to do it." And I said, "Sure." And so she said, "OK, well let me give you the name of the woman that runs the camp." And she gave me the number and I called the camp a couple of times and left my telephone number and then the woman called me back and you know, said "I'm calling about the camp," and you know, "Crystal gave me your number..." blah blah blah. And so we did that a few times, and then she- one day Crystal was riding by, and I was in my yard, doing my garden, and she said, "Have you talked to the woman about the camp?" And I said, "No, not yet" She said, "Well I'm gonna tell-I'm gonna give you her home phone number and tell her that I did, and you call her," and so I did. I called and left a message on her answering machine and then she called me back that night and she said, "Raffini? This is Agnes Perry, and I've been trying to get in touch-" and 1 said, "Oh my god." And 1 said, I'm sorry, we were talking at the time and I said, I said "Miss Agnes," I said, "Can I stop you for a minute?" And she said, "Yeah." I said, "Do you know a woman named Viola?" And she said, "I know a couple of Violas." And I said, "Viola Smith?" And she said, "Yeah." And I said- she said, "Who are you?" And 1 said, "I am her daughter, I'm the determined one? You guys used to call me 'The Determined One?'" And she said, "Oh my god." And we both cried. 1 said, "This is a blessing because," I said, "I would have never known, but my mother always said your first and last name. So when you said-." If...if she would've just said Agnes, I would have not, you know, she said- "You might have known that I looked like my mom, but not even put two and two together." But that to me, that was a blessing that my mom gave me, that she didn't realize, because what, you know, forty years later, I meet this best friend of my mom's, so I get to hear more stuff about my mom that I didn't know, you know, her as a young person. So it was cool. Anyway, my life is full of little things like that, little adventures. I think I call them my...my little seven year adventures, there's always something different happening every seven years.

0: 17: 18

DW: Seven years?

R: Yeah...yeah. 0:17:21

DW: Was your mom a single mom?

R: Most of the time. My mom was unfortunately. like a lot of other women, wanting desperately to have the house, and the home, the husband and family but unfortunately, my father and my sister's father, were like most men and constantly running. And...so yea.. .there were years that my mom was alone, and then there were years that my dad was there. And 1 used to feel privileged and.. .and actually arrogant sometimes, like "my dad's here" and to my sister, "your dad's not." And thinking that this was a special thing, but when 1 realized how much it must have hurt my mom every time he left, and the tears that I saw her cry when I realize now what they were for, I realized that he was probably doing a whole lot worse than he was doing good. Yea so.. . yea that.. .that was a hard thing to see and at the age of forty-si- forty five, 1 realized that 1 was carrying that baggage with me. I used to think, "I don't carry baggage from old relationships," but I was carrying baggage from my childhood, the feeling of being left behind, the feeling of going to foster homes and. . .and not knowing when we were gonna come home. And because my mom was sick, there was so many of us, we, you know, we went to foster homes. She had two heart attacks before she died and so.. ..anyway that.. .that was something that 1 carried as...as a woman. I carried that with me, to think all the love that my mother gave, all the beauty and you know, joy and peace that she gave out, that she got- had the end of that, in return. And in the end, when my mom was dying of cancer, no one's father came to the house and said, "Do you all need anything?"

0: 19:21

R: "Can I help? I" you know, "I've taken from this house, can I give back?" And so 1...1 realize that at forty-five and I had to face that and.. .and say "0 K, there. . . there are no guarantees," you know, "whether you get married or not, there...there are no guarantees that...that this person will be around, but you have to try make sure they're the best person they can be while you are together, and that they realize that it-" you know, 'goes beyond that." I really thought that it was...it was a pitiful shame. And I didn't feel ashamed of myself or of my mother. I thought that it was a shame that these males that called themselves men did not step forward, even if it was just to bring over a box of donuts or something, you know? But that.. .that will be on their souls, you know? That will be something, one of the things that I dance with- I think a whole lotta men are going to- in Islam they feel that you, everybody spends time in hell, it's just according to how much damage you have done, how long you'll be there, but we all have sins that we have to answer for, and I think a lot of men are going to find themselves there a whole lot long than they think, because with the beautiful creatures that God has made us, there's no way that we should not be treated much better than we're treated. And if all the holy books say that Paradise lies at the feet of a woman, then why are her feet not caressed? Why are they stepped on? So I really believe, you know, I told someone that one time and it really hurt his feelings, and he couldn't believe, he said, "I can't believe you said that and I said, "Well, believe it! I'm not angry with you. You'll have to answer to your creator for what you did, to one of his wonderful creations, to one of his lifebearers." So anyway

0:21:21

DW: And what number were you in the family?

R: I was number four. My two brothers and a sister before me, and they told my mom there'd be no more children. And there were three miscarriages before me, so that's why I was called "The Determined One." I got here, cause I was born sick and everything but I was determined to stay, I was determined to stay. The-I remember my Nanny saying that when I came home, the bandage was bigger than me. I was born with a double hernia so they operated before I came home, so like this big bandage on this little child and you know, always sickly, bronchitis, asthma, the- you know, the whole nine yards. I'm not sure and I didn't get a chance to, because it was you know, never a question that I was curious about at the time, but I'm not sure if my mom might have taken any drugs in order to be able to hold onto the child cause I know that there were...there were some drugs for women who were having miscarriages, and they did give some complications to the children.

0:22:35

DW: Yea.. .and who do you consider as your family now?

R: I have sisters and brothers. No one replaced my mom, no one could do that, though I have a lot of elder figures in my life and.. .and then there's also a center where I started going and doing stuff at this elderly center and.. .and have come to find out that a lot of them women knew my mom and you know, this is the age that my mom would be, you know, hanging out there probably, if she were still alive. And so...that's cool, that's a cool connection too. And they didn't know either until a friend who knew my mom and they had stayed in touch, said "Oh,"- and knew me- said, "Oh, that's Viola's daughter!" And so...I thought that was funny too, another cute connection and I had no idea. I was- I had gone there a few times and you know, they had asked me to come back and I said, "Sure!" Then one day she said, you know [phone rings- stop recording]

0:23:36

DW: Yea...your family now...

R: So my family now, as I said, there are other elders in my life, and then I have my sister and brothers. I just lost a brother two years ago, which there- I think that there's always a story in something so- and I'm a storyteller so, you know, but my brother was diagnosed with cancer, and it was in the kidney and they were gonna take one of his kidneys from him, and when they opened him up, they found out that it was in his liver, so we know that, that you know.... And strange thing is my, my mom died of liver- cancer of the liver, which is actually a whole other story, and I'll tell you that one later but.... Anyway he...when he, when they opened and saw that it was in the liver, we knew that there would be no time. They gave him- at first, they gave him six months to two years. Then they said, it'll probably be more like six months, but he went within two months. I think it's good because he didn't have to suffer too long and...and another thing is that my brother was such a...a beautiful person, he had very good friends. And one of his friends- one of his best friends is very very well-to-do and so my brother was allowed, afforded to be able to die at his house in California. So he had an around-the-clock nurse and maid and because this guy loved my brother so much, my brother had loved his kids and you know, taken care of-was godfather to one of his children. Me and my brother were born on the same day. We're seven years apart, but we're born on the same day. And so those...those calls are missed, you know the birthday calls you know and stuff like that. But the thing was, when my brother was dying, I was going through a time where I felt like it was like one of my seven year, you know, advances and what happened was

0:25:36

R: I was feeling like there had to be something I had to find-another peaceful place, ways to get back to the peace that I found once before in my life so I was trying to concentrate on that but in doing that and dealing with teenagers and teaching and dealing with the world, sometimes you- you're living this double identity. This wonderful peaceful person you want to be, but at the same time when I step out here, I gotta make sure that people know not to screw around, you know, not to...notto take advantage of you. And so sometimes I jump right back into the street mood, sometimes it's not very good. Sometimes it can be very very good for your defense but sometimes, it's just not necessary, and it takes you to a whole other thinking. So when my brother was sick, I was working with some students in a program called Sista II Sista and we had done- it was a very busy day. They had called me on a Monday, my brother and sister and said they were going to California. I told them I could fly there on the weekend and so, we spoke during the week and they were telling me how my brother was doing. And so we were doing a program up here, a food program where we were selling dinner to raise money for the Sista II Sista, and we did a walk-a-thon that morning for the school. After we did the walk-a-thon, we came- we ran over to the school, got the food, prepared, ran home, took a shower, came back, and served the dinner and then, you know, tired as can be, I'm-I was dropping people off that night, and as I went to drop off the last student- have to say the night before I had a dream about a girlfriend of mine who had passed away and we were looking through doorways. One doorway there were people sitting around, in a casual way, watching TV, having conversation. We turned around when the door opened and just turned back and-to what they were doing. And.. . and then we went to two other doorways, and it was just dark in there, and I remember when we first went down the stairs I said to my girlfriend, "I think I've been here before." And she said, "Yea, I think so. "

0:27:36

R: And that was it. And.. .and the other doorways, like I say, were just darkness, and she just kept showing them. There were no more words said in the dream, and she would just point, and we would float, and we would look through, not see anything and then go through other doorways. I don't remember how, or if it was a significant number of them how many there was, but so the following night, after the walk-a-thon and the dinner and I'm bringing my students home, the final student I'm dropping off says, "Raffini, can you come inside, because I want my mom" -it was kinda late, so she says, "I want my mom to know that I was with you." And I said, "OK, but can't she wave to me from the window or something?" [laughter] Cause it really had been a long day, But she said, "No, I really need you to come inside. So I said, "OK." And as we're walking in, and we're walking down the stairs, and I realize, this is like the dream and I look to my student, she looks a little bit like my girlfriend, and I said, "I've never been here before, have I?" And she said, "No, I don't think so." So it was kinda opposite of what me and my girlfriend said in the dream.

0:28:28

DW: Right... R: And so she opens up the door and people were- there were some people watching TV and some people talking, and they turned around, and I just waved. And she said, "Mommy this is my teacher." And I said, "She OK?" And that was that and so I left. And I was like, "Wow, that was a trip," you know, "I wonder what that means?" And then, I was driving down the street and I get down to the end of the street and I get to an inters-, a main street, and off to the left were three guys who were coming out of a club and they had obviously been drinking and they were kinda stumbling a little bit, and I turned down the street, because this is the way I'm going home, and as I'm driving down the street, I don't stop because right now I'm not in peaceful- you know,let me be a peaceful person mode, I'm in- Let me get home, I'm tired, Get out of my way- mood. And so I'm riding down the street and as I ride down the street, the guy is-one of the guys is coming- two of the- they split- two guys go to the left, one guy goes to the right The guy to the right is swaggering back and forth, telling them things and laughing and joking in the middle of the street and so as I get up near him, I guess he gets another thought and he goes back in the street, and I almost hit him and so I slam on my brakes. And when I slammed on my brakes, I'm like, "What the hell are you doing?" you know, and so he looks at me, and soyou know, I throw up my hands like this and all of a sudden he just takes this long-ass gun out of his shirt and he says, "Do you wanna fuck with me bitch?" So 1- I didn't show him any reaction, I thought, "That's a gun," and I just drove off, same speed that I was driving, and I came home and I freaked out. And I didn't know what to do, I was paranoid, I didn't know what to do. You know, my brother wasn't here. I couldn't call up my brother and say, "What the hell am I going to do?" My brother's a capitol police, so he has a lot of friends on the force and so, the next morning- oh I was totally paranoid, I had to leave the house because the alarm went off at the school, I had to go back and reset the alarm and

0:30:28

R: I'm seeing cars and wondering if people have my license plate and this guy is gonna come looking for me. I found out the next morning that the exact time the gun was put in my face, my brother died. And so, you know it's three hours difference from California and here, and so the exact time- because my brother called me in the middle of the nightand I had finally fallen asleep, and left a message and said, "I'll call you tomorrow," and then he said, "You know, he passed away at seven, seven thirty." And I was like, "Oh." And so, in telling the story I realize a few days later, that it was the exact same time, because someone said, "What time was it?" I don't know why they asked but anyway, it was at the exact same time so I try to look at things like what is that message to. That message to me was, you know, "You're brother is leaving, and your life is being spared, what are you going to do? What are you gonna do? Here is your next phase- what are you going to do?

DW: Raffini, I have...I have- actually so many questions that I want to ask you, but you'll have to warn me about time because I know that you have to leave.

R: Yea, yea

0:32:19

DW: WOW...so there's OK...wow, so...1 guess, I wanna know who you- who do you think of as your community? Who do you- who do you work for?

R: Oh! Mm...well I'm working at UCAP right now,and I've been doing that job, that's a school, I've been doing that job for about twelve years now, but I don't want to sound cliche, but I'd like to think that I wqrk for God. I should say I pray that one day I will be doing the work according to the way that I'm supposed to be doing it, for what I was put here for. I'm sure it was to share the arts, because that's the thing that I have in abundance, [laughter] besides love and recipes. [laughter] So I share them all as much as I can...but I never, I don't know, I never had the question posed, so to say 'who do I work for' is...is...I guess maybe more what I work for is unity...and love and understanding, especially among our young people. They need it, a lot of times we... we...1 mean, they fall short of stuff that I want them to do and I let them know. I try to make a habit of it- if I say something in my class that might embarrass a child, that I will come back and apologize in front of the whole class, if I made a mistake and said, 'You're wrong and I'm right,' and did this in front of everyone, then I'm going to make the apology in front of everyone. Doesn't make a damn bit of different if you pull the kid over to the side and say something in the hallway

0:34:19

R: After you've ridiculed them or you know, done something to call them out in front of everyone, you know. And recently it happened. One of my students, she sucked her- I had her- she, she had been in class with me that she had been in before, and so I would allow her to do other work sometimes. But this particular time, there-there were particular times, you know, when you have to do this, and then you could do what you, you know, need to when you have finished the work that I want you to do, then you can do work from another class if you wish. And so this assignment, she didn't want to do it, and she sucked her teeth and rolled her eyes and said, "You know, this is really sickening." And so I said, "You are going to do it, whether you like it or not." And so she said-I said, "You scared a lot" And so she said, "I what?" And so I said, "You scared a lot in here." I don't know if she understood the lingo, and I'm like, "You get away with a lot of things. There's a lot of times that the girls are doing something. But because you've done it last year, I don't make you do it again," I said. "But today, you are going to do the work that everyone else does." And so she said, she sucked her teeth again, and said, "This is ridiculous." And so I said, "Do you want to take it outside? Me and you." And so she looked at me, I said, "I'm not planning to see you disrespecting me here, then we need to straighten this out." So then one of the other girls said, "Oh my God Miss Raffini!" [laughter] And so she just rolled her eyes, and I said, "Now do the work, like I say you get away with a lot as it is. " So then later, near the end of class, and the girls were handing in their papers, and I said, " Just a minute, I want to apologize in front of the class, because I said what I said in front of the class. I didn't mean to call you outside and I'm not gonna take you outside and try to beat you up," I said, "but I also won't allow you to disrespect me in my class." And so I said, "Apology accepted?" And she said, "Yea," and so I said, "It better be." [laughter] And so we both just laughed and she said, "I'm sorry," and I said, "It's cool, but there are certain times when you just have to do what I need you to do, and you can't argue with me about it. You know, cause like I say, there are a lot of times when you don't have to do." They put certain students

0:36:19

R: in my class, year after year, because they know I can handle them, not because they need what class I'm teaching, they've already taken this class, but they know that Raffini can either talk to them or if this child gets out of hand, Raffini can handle them. So I get that a lot, you know? I get that a lot But anyway, I'm gonna tell you about this photo real quickly. This is one of my UCAP photos, and these kids, I ran into this girl recently so I pulled the photo out and told her I would bring it to her. We were doing a garden, and you see how she's dressed. She was Miss-I-Am-Cute-I-Do-Not-Touch-Dirt. She was like, "I might touch it, but I'm still cute and I'm not sure about this stuff." And he was like, "Hey it's cool. I work with my granddad in a garden." This was only about-there's about five kids missing, and so- what were you going to ask?

0:37:13

DW: What do you teach at UCAP?

R: I teach everything. I usually teach theater, that's what I started teaching but I do poetry, and this just happened to be a nice year and it got warm early. There was a community gardens here and they had offered a program for the students to start a garden so they chose me, Miss Earth. [laughter] And so, yea so we started the garden. It was so funny. We had a young man who was gay and he was like, "I'm not getting my nails dirty." He got his nails done every week. And he's like, "I'm not getting my nails dirty, I'm not touching dirt. You didn't bring gloves?" And I said, "No I didn't bring gloves. We need to touch the earth, we need to experience the Earth." And anyway, the funniest thing was, I saw these children transform over a matter of five weeks. The kids who were talking about not putting their hands in dirt, not wanting to get any bugs, you know when we first went over there to turn the dirt over, they were saying, "Oh my god, what's this bug?" And they were screaming and running, so then we came back and we turned it over again and again and gave it some fertilizer and after maybe about three weeks, the bugs, the process they were finding them, it was funny to them after a while. "I found a bug!" you know? And so I told them to respect the bug and to put it back in the earth so that it could fully develop. So one of the girl's dads one day showed me how much the kids were beginning to respect working in the dirt that one day, one of the kids was asking her dad if she could buy a source from the garden and asked if they wanted anything from Dunkin Donuts cause he was on his way there and so he bought back a bag of donuts and they were so busy, so they just sat it down on the ground and continued to work. And I think we were weeding that day, and on our way back to the school, the kids said, "I'm starving, open up that bag of donuts," and one of the girls said, "Oh dirt got in the bag!" And then one of them said, "Oh you better wipe that dirt off, I ain't worried about that dirt, I'm starving!" And so kids who did not want to touch dirt, are now willing to just wipe dirt off these donuts and eat it.

0:39:19

R: And so I saw this beautiful transformation, and one day we came to the garden, and a friend of mine who calls herself "Moon bear," was at his plot, and he was praying, and so the kids said, "What's he doing?" And I said, "He's praying over the land." And they said, "Why?" And I said, "He's praying before he breaks the land, to give respect and say that 'I'm going to plant seeds, I will take from the land, but I will give back to the land.'" Then they're like, "Wow, that's weird." And so, the cute thing was we had a week off from school, so when we came back two weeks later to our garden, Moon, who had planted seeds, we who had planted plants already started, Moon's plants were taller than ours! [laughter] And he had planted seeds, but he had prayed over his land, so the kids said, "We've got to pray, we've got to pray!" So it's the life lessons that they learn, or you see them learn that are so precious, but this turned into a group of kids who used to come to the garden during the summer, because school was about to end and so I told them once a week to come to the garden, and not everybody came every week, and they'd get to fill out bags and take with them the vegetables that they grew. They did a lot, they did greens, broccoli, tomatoes, we did about seven different kinds of tomatoes, earl bushes, they were very very very good, nice plots. So.. . yeah some sweet memories.

0:40:46

DW: 1- you know, one of the things, so I keep hearing, you know, you do so much Raffini, you know I've heard about- there's jewelry making at the people's school, gardening, teaching at- you know you're a teacher, like I've heard of people talking about you as a self-made artist. How did you learn all this, how did you become a selfmade artist?

R: I'm gonna be totally honest with you, I think the only difference between me and the sister on the streets is God and my strong belief in my self that my mother instilled in me and the good people that God has put in my life. I have a friend who told me that she looks at life that she says that failure is not an option, so she doesn't let it be an option in her plans, you know, it's just not part of the scheme, homelessness is not an option, we have to work, so I don't really look at it as options, I think that's beautiful and I've been telling my students that also, but look at it as- I've been through some hell, there's been some really crazy stuff that gone on in my life, but in '84 a friend of mine who is now so proud of me said do you know I owe this to you? I was hanging around doing nothing, doing nothing with my life, getting high, and bored as hell, had dropped out of school, had been out of school for years, married and divorced, and so I was just bored of what . was happening, and I said, "OK I'm bored." I knew there was something else but I wasn't ready to take those steps to do something else so she came by one day and I was like, "I am so bored, I'm sick of this."

0:42:46

R: I'm smoking a joint and I'm chillin' out and I'm watching a soap opera which is a horrible horrible things you can get hooked on them, you know wonderful story, but you know, I think they're put on to make women fail. Because they're on at a time of the day, you're not going out for a freaking interview once they come on. Because you've got your morning talk shows, if you watch them and you're going to the soap operas, you're just not leaving the house to be productive, and so anyway, I was sitting around doing nothing, watching my soap operas, getting my next high on, [mumble] and she said you know, "Get your ass up and do something," and so I said "Yea yea yea I will, "and she said, "So why don't you go back to school, and I said, "Yea yea, I was thinking about it," and she said, "Well instead of thinking about it why don't you go back over and inquire, and I said, "Yeah, I will, I'll do it tomorrow, and she said, "No, do it now." And I said Yea, I will tomorrow," and she said, "No, now!" So I said, "Yea, I know I will, I'm going to." So she said, "So get up and do it." And I said "Leave me alone will you." So she snatched me off my couch, and literally dragged me through my house, and I'm fighting, like, "Get off me, leave me alone!" And she dragged me into my bathroom and pushed me into the shower and she said, "We're going over to the school." So I'm like, "Leave me alone, I'll go tomorrow I promise," and she said, "No we're going now," so I said "Pain in the ass," and I took a shower and we walked over to the school, signed up, and come day of orientation, I planned on going, but she rang my doorbell and went to orientation with me. And it opened up a door that you know was like, I needed that door opened. And the first day of orientation, a woman named Joyce Jarrett did a piece by Sojourner Truth called "Ain't I A Woman." And I had wanted to do theater for years, but never had the guts to ask somebody, "How do I get involved?" Always shy to back, whenever I got the opportunity, I would shy away. Excuse me...

0:44:46

R: So anyway, so yea, Joyce did the piece and bought tears to my eyes, and at the end of class I went- I went up to say, "How do I do that? How do I get to do that?" But the words wouldn't come out, all I got to tell her was how much I enjoyed it And then, one day when I was walking, maybe about three of four months after that, I was walking through the cafeteria and what I had gone to school for was a word-processing course, and really it was a glorified secretary- taking dictation, Dictaphone all day long, and I was like "Oh no way." Wrong class right? So I was going to drop out but they said no. It was this nine-month long program paid for by the Rockefeller Foundation, for single women who had been out of school for more than five years. And so you know, they- my friends- convinced me with all the time they had put in, to stay. So but, I was walking to the cafeteria one day and a woman named Stella Reed, who is one of my best and dearest friends, I love her dearly, stopped me and said-and so, like I say, sometimes the street mentality comes back in. She had been sitting with a guy, who had been making eyes at me all week long. And they were sitting together, and he had actually made a wink at me while they were sitting, and she had noticed it, she had looked over him and over at me, and he said something to her. And later she said to me, "Can I 'talk to you?" And so I'm like, "Oh here we go right?" So I went to the room with her, and into her office, and I closed the door behind me and she- I remember her turning around and looking at me and so she reaches out into her desk and pulls out all these papers, and she's like, "Can you read this for me?" And I'm like, "She trying to question my intelligence," you know? [laughter] And so I'm like- I'm getting insulted, so I start reading this thing for her and so...and then she goes, "I like the way you read," and I'm thinking, "I don't," you know, "it's not like I sat here for you and read this wonderful thing for you," you know, "what do you mean you like the way I read?" So I'm really thinking

0:46:46

R: That she's messing with me, and she says, "I'm doing a play," and da da da da, "and I want you to do this, I want you to be in this play." And I was like, "Really?" And she was said, "Yea." It's so funny, because when we got to be good friends, later I told her, "Remember when we were in the office and that day you stopped me?" And she said, "Yea." She said, "I always wondered why you closed the door." And I said, "I figured if we were going to fight, let's keep it between us and not the whole school." She's like, "Are you serious? You thought I wanted to fight you?" I said, "Yea!" [laughter] "I figured you were Ja's girlfriend and that you were jealous, because he was making eyes at me," I said. That's that's the kinda reaction that I was used to at that particular time. So there are times when the street mentality and the street mode jump in, and there are times when it can save your ass, but there are also times when it can put you in crazy awkward positions. So, but anyway, that's how I started doing theater, but I've always been interested in like talent shows and stuff like that, and teaching. I actually started a school, well a preschool, pre-head start, called "Start Ahead, Stay Ahead," in '74, yea I was still a teenager, but me and some of the other moms, I was a teenage mom, me and some of the other moms up there wanted to do something for our children. Plus it was a way for us to be involved in the lives and this teaching aspect. And so.. .yea the program, it lasted for a year, I was only there for a year and I actually moved on and started working at Head Starts. So I've been working with children all my life, even as a little kid, I 10ved,Ioved kids, loved them. They're so precious, most precious gift, and it's hard to believe that there are people out there who actually want to hurt them. When I see a baby, a child, it's hard to really conceive that somebody would actually think of hurting this precious little baby, this precious little gift. There's just something about them that totally warms- warms my heart.

0:48:46

R: And I guess my mom was the same way with ten of us [laughter] But what elseanything else that you need?

0:48:56

DW: So...oh yea...so it seems like you have a strong connection to where you grow up, too right? To Providence?

R: Yea.. .even when I lived in Riverside, I lived out there for thirteen years, and people still thought I lived in Providence. They had no idea that I didn't live in Providence, because I'm always here and my work is done here. It's a...it's a strong spiritual connection. I remember when I moved back to the South Side from Pawtucket. I would...1 would even actually sometimes wake up- but I used to hit the numbers a lot, I would play the lottery, but I would wake up with numbers in my head, I would wake up knowing something was going to happen. The...1 guess you call it mental telepathy...1 don't know was very very strong, and I think it has something to do with the spirits of the black people who have died around here. But it always brought a positive vein, I mean I was hitting numbers, I was winning the lottery left and right, you know? I'd wake up and say, "Oh, this is the number." I mean, not everyday, but it would come to me sometimes. One time this girl, when we were at school, this girl gave me a hug and she used to go out with my boyfriend.. .my boyfriend's brother and she hugged me and something said that, "She's screwing Steven." [laughter] As clear as...I mean those were the exact words, and I looked at her and she said, "What's wrong?" And I said, "Nothing, nothing." And I'm thinking, "This must be jealousy, why would you think something like that? She goes with his brother!" And sure enough, two days later, she walked in with the bag that I had given Steven, that looked like a book bag, but it was really an overnight bag. And she walked in with the bag and I said, "Oh...." So stuff like that, things like that when I lived over here, were so so clear and an incident happened when I was doing a play and a woman told me that

0:50:58

R: Which made me even more convinced that I was on the right track, that some of us choose to do what we choose to do, but some of us are chosen. And she felt that God was choosing me to do what I was doing now, so I had to make sure that what I did, I would be proud of and never do anything that would compromise who I was, but it was for me to go out and do it, you know? So I delved more into the arts

0:51:26

DW: So do you feel a sense of community here in Providence?

R: Absolutely, I need a tissue. I feel a very strong sense of community in Providence because as I say, most of my time is spent here and a lar-big connection with friends is here, and I don't know why it's stronger than Pawtucket because I lived in Pawtucket for a long time also, but I think in a way, it might be more positive for me and I think it probably has a lot to do with the fact that I was born out here and whatever my mom saw in me, to keep her from naming me "Nancy," is what is happening and draws me back to this place

0:51:22

DW: You mentioned before when I was asking about community, you said that you were working for unity. I was-is there unity among a specific group of people or for what?

R: As a black woman, I would love unity among the black women and unity among the black families. But unity as people of color, of all the people of the Diaspora because we have been thought so long to think little of ourselves and there have been mind-tricks, as my girlfriend calls them, "mind-fucks," throughout the years, throughout the centuries of making- I mean, for the longest time they made Africa look very very small on the map. They call us "minorities," when we're majority. And we believe we're minorities,

0:53:22

R: If you believe you're small, insignificant, inferior, that's a hell of a legacy to carry, to pass on! And so I have a desire, my dream was-is going to be to open up a learning center called "The F.U.T.U.R.E Village," and "F.U.T.U.R.E" stands- is an acronym for "Foundation for Unity Through-" I'm sorry, "Foundation for Unity Through Understanding, Respect and Equality." And the idea is to have elders from the community and professors from different colleges and stuff to come in and work with pre-school children and work with each other, and then in the afternoon, high school and junior high school kids get out of school to come by and work for an hour or so, so we'll have four generations working together, so we'll have the older generation working for an hour or two a day, and then we'll have the younger generation take over when the elders go home and through that, foster grandparent programs and just programs where we foster love, period. And to learn about other cultures, not just American history, not just African-American history, both of which have been falsified, and I'm sure, into other cultures, our- their histories also have been falsified, to know the people who we deal with everyday, to interact, you know? I mean, if I didn't know any better, I could say, "Well this Chinese girl came to my house to interview me today and 1..." whatever you know? And so and so said, "Well she's not Chinese," you know? "Well yea yea, whatever, you know...." It's not whatever, we have to stop whatever and know the facts, know our peoples' cultures, before we start judging so much. Just because it's something hat you don't agree with, doesn't mean that it's wrong and

0:55:22

R: And we have to have that. Because what happens is, what has happened is it's no longer going to be about the races soon, it's going to be about the classes. And all of our races are thrown into this melting pot that they call the "ghetto." And some of us, who maybe make a little more money, feel like we've moved on, you know, maybe live in the 'burbs somewhere, but as my mom says, when it gets down to the get down, and you know, what are we going to do as a people, and if all the people of color united, we'd be a hell of a force. But even among ourselves, the ranks are broken- African Americans, Africans, Cape Verdeans, Jamaicans, Puerto Ricans, Dominicans you know Haitians. We live in the same island and we're hating one another. They have taught us to hate one another, as long as they keep us divided, they can come in and conquer whenever they want to. So they've taught us from birth, from childhood, to hate one another. The movies that they put out there- all the movies are so negative. You know, I try to explain to people- when people in other countries see our movies and all we're playing is hoes, pimps, pushers, you know and and and shoot-'em-up-bang-bang, you know, and then when they come here and see some of that, it it it feeds into what they've learned all this-and so of course they think that. And and this the image that people have, this is the image that we're sending out and we don't realize it but people- the dollar gets in the way, and they don't realize the message they're sending behind trying to bring in the money. So anyway, I feel like we just, we really need to know about each other's cultures. We need to know about each other's cultures, the people who are living right next door to us, across the street from us, people who we interact with everyday and don't know. We remain ignorant about each other, and ignorant about ourselves, because we're believing what we're told and...

0:57:22

R: And we're not digging any deeper to find out the real facts. And I want to teach these facts at my center. I want to teach these facts, and I want to teach to embrace the people in the neighborhood. And if a child doesn't have a parent, or if a child has a parent who is a junkie and doesn't want to come and be a part of this child, then we embrace this child. We try to encourage the mom, we try to encourage the parent, but in the meantime, this child needs love and needs to know that somebody cares.

0:57:52